How much is enough? When is the right time to leave? How much longer will she be trampled on? She is not his equal. She is his inferior. He made sure she knew that in the midst of his passive aggressiveness. He will always succumb to temptation because in his eyes, it is easier to ask for forgiveness instead of permission. She knows the marriage is a ticking time bomb. She will shield herself and her son from the shrapnel he will expel. This is not the life she designed for herself or her son. He is selfish, immature, inconsiderate and he will never change. She cannot stick by his side while he does as he pleases. The marriage is a joke. She is a joke to him.
Drifting
Who have I become?
The quiet stranger, I have no words.
Stuck in silence and loneliness.
I’m drifting away into the abyss
You will truly be missed.
Please, don’t go.
I want the old me back.
-BSandy
Break up
Engulfed in her hurt
She could not understand.
The reason why he said
He loved her no more.
She fought for him and supported
His every hope and dream.
And yet she stands alone
Soaked in her own tears.
-BSandy
Genius.
Temptation
That sound
That dreadful, persistent sound.
It vibrates and it whispers
And torment then ensues.
I cannot shake it
Make it stop!
It’s mind has been made up.
Forever in its clutches
Of that sweet, inviting voice.
-BSandy
The Little Girl
Wondering about my past decisions
The mistakes and the regrets.
Thinking if I made the right calls
Or if I was impulsive.
The little girl inside of me
Who had to have it all.
The impatient girl who could not wait
And jumped to save it all.
And now she lives questioning
Everything that she is.
For she will never know
Everything that she did.
-BSandy
Closure
Nights when you would talk to me
Open up about your ghosts.
When you showed vulnerability
That’s what gets me most.
Your tough and hard exterior
Was what made you mysterious.
But understanding your true nature
That’s what drew me in.
And now I’m left dazed and eager
For the closure that I yearn.
Accepting that it will never come
Is the worst part of it all.
-BSandy
Trapped
I fight off your existence
Tip-toeing in my head.
I drown you out with distractions
But somehow you’re alive.
Your steps are loud and thunderous
My mind runs back and forth.
I want to release all thoughts of you
But I can’t let you go.
-BSandy
Leaving
You speak but have not spoken
Your actions cause no devotion
You mimic all that is dreary
And expect your words to seize me
But hear me!
Enough.
Your game has gone too far
And your behavior is subpar
I’ve had my fill, I’m leaving.
I just hope you won’t be grieving.
Lost
Where are we? Where have we gone?
This place is dark and all wrong.
We shouldn’t be here, alone and upset
Why don’t we make up and forget?
But wait, it’s not that simple.
For your actions are indeed consistent
But make me angry and feel distant.
You sober up and become apologetic
But it’s all blurry, I cannot see you.
Where are you? I cannot hear you.
-BSandy
sandovalspeaks 